33

So.. finally hit 33 today. It's supposed to be a power number, and good things are supposed to be coming. Tapi kenapa la I feel so pessimistic.

Hate birthdays. Period. Almost every birthday I've had, has some bad memory attached to it. Not say there haven't been good ones, but my birthdays are usually the suckiest, no matter how family and friends try to cheer me up.

Maybe it's cause I feel I've outlived my supposed perpetual age. But some would just say I'm vain about getting older.

Tak kisah pon. As Aaliyah put it so beautifully to tune, age ain't nothing but a number. Still.. oh well.

I think the major problem for me is age becomes a measure of what I've succeeded in doing thus far. Kira penilaian diri lah. And the past year? Not very happy. Sorting things out, and getting back on my feet took up a lot of time. And recovery is still slow, though some signs of positivity.

Oh well.. I think I'll just sleep it off until my 34th is over.

At least finally I can say that my favourite song by my all time favourite band Smashing Pumpkins is now relevant to me, even though it has always reflected sentiments of my life.

Thanks to family and friends who wished me over instant message, SMS, Myspace and Facebook as well as in chat here and so on. You guys are the reason for me continuing this journey still with some spirit left in me.

Hard to be positive. I mean, Jesus died on the cross at the age of 33. What hope is there for me? (what the f*ck am I going on about). Oh well... here's to whatever's left of this horrible.. I mean beautiful day.

Smashing Pumpkins-Thirty Three

33 - Smashing Pumpkins
Speak to me in a language I can hear
Humour me before I have to go
Deep in thought I forgive everyone
As the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know I can't be late
Supper's waiting on the table
Tomorrow's just an excuse away
So I pull my collar up and face the cold
On my own
The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
Steeple guide me to my heart and home
The sun is out and up and down again
I know I'll make it
Love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
And you
Can make it last
Forever you
You can make it last, forever you
Can make it last
And for a moment I lose myself
Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
I've journeyed here and there and back again
But in the same old haunts I still find my friends
Mysteries not ready to reveal
Sympathies I'm ready to return
I'll make the effort, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
Tomorrow's just an excuse
Tomorrow's just an excuse
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last
Forever you
Can make it last
Forever you