I'm feeling...

Hari ni spent the whole day about.

Lazy and yet about.

Nak elak sebenarnya nak memikirkan apa yang boleh mengusutkan fikiran aku dalam nak menghadapi kerja banyak akan datang. What with the upcoming workload... a new business... and many more projects upcoming. I really don't need any emotional drama.

Yang menyayangi esok pun da start kerja balik. Two weeks no contact sebab nun jauh. Rindu bakal menyusul.

Tapi benda yang paling mengusik hati aku sekarang ialah seseorang aku pernah bayangkan as THE PERFECT ONE, menjelma kembali dalam hidup aku.

Ceritanya begini. Aku ni kalao suka kat orang, and I mean really, really, like... aku akan berubah dalam sekelip mata. Dari perangai gila, kecoh dan psycho aku yang whirlwind on speed, aku akan diam, dan terus terpaku sahaja pada wajah orang tu. Biar rupa orang tu menarik ataupun tidak bagi orang lain - wajahnya itu la yang akan menjadi pujaan hatiku.

Dan itu yang berlaku kali pertama aku kenal DIA.

Kawan atas kawan, si Dia ni memang pernah aku nampak sekali dua sebelum ni. Memang mata melekat la bijik mata tak tanggal, not even a blink. Do you believe in love at first sight? I don't. It's lust at first sight - sebab physical attraction kan since you know nothing about that person.

Well, dalam hidup aku ni, I have been proven wrong. TWICE.

Sekali tu bila orang tu aku baru kenal, dia sudahpun melanjutkan pelajaran ke luar negara ni, bumped into me during an event.

I think of myself as a good judge of people. I can size up people generally pretty well and make what a person is like within a minute or so after meeting them. I'm hardly fazed by looks when it comes to instant reading of a person.

And the second person yang mampu make me feel like that ni - instantly aku da bayangkan dia ni jenis camna. And memang betul - sebab my best friend ni, best friend ngan dia.

Needless to say, I pursued it half-heartedly sebab I knew I never stood a chance. So admire dari sebatu je la.... tak pernah aku suarakan isi hati. Besides, that crap about being honest with your feelings and all only works in cheesy movies which make a ton of money ONLY if it stars Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts or possibly Hugh Grant. I'm more Bridget Jones on a bad day.

So anyway... the first person ever - si Dia ni lah.

Aku terbodoh dua tiga kali pertama nampak dia dari jauh. My world stopped. I was in pause mode. I felt things moving in slow motion - and a corny soundtrack was playing in the background (actually it was more like traffic noise la.. but setting indah sikit la nak imagine tuk feeling sikit)

And then finally aku dapat kenal dia... (thanks to abang Lan). We exchanged numbers and became friends.

Then aku dapat tau. Dia da pun berumahtangga. Siap ada anak. Aduh...

Sedih gila time tu sampai aku emotionally shutdown. Matilah terus reformat pemikiran aku elak dia to avoid going crazy sebab ingatkan da jumpa THE ONE.

Anyway beberapa minggu lalu Dia terjumpa aku kat Facebook. Dia request nak add aku and hantar mesej as warm as ever.

Aku memang tak click approve sebab kan aku kata Facebook is for networking with people in the industry and apart from the few cousins and very old schoolmates, aku takkan add orang lain. Not to mention ada yang binatang binatang sedih dalam Facebook ni suka main add je orang tersayang kita pakai 'People You May Know' nya application.

Aku check friends list Dia.

Memang none of my friends linked ngan Dia. Lega.... ni bukan jenis gila artis nya kaki main add je. Dia memang tak penah amik pot pun dunia hiburan. Dia ni orang sukan. Penah wakili negara dan penah menang pingat pun mengharumkan nama negara di majlis sukan berprestij tak lama dulu.

So aku biarkan request tu in my list. Aku tak ignore pun.

Tapi bila tenung balik semua pics dia... dan kemudian masuk blog dia yang aku berjaya cari dari hasil Google, aku rasa setiap patah perkataan dia tulis tu... aduh... hati aku menyeru untuk menghubungi dia. I mean... bukan dia wat salah kat aku pun. Dia memang baik gila, berbudi bahasa dan caring...

So skang dilema. Patut ke aku at least try and be friends? Takut melarat lak. Nak ignore dan lupakan easier said than done. I can forget losers who have been in the past - it's easy because they gimme a reason to (again Boo, not you - matilah kan nak letak disclaimer je tuk elak salah paham padahal target sekor binatang tuh)

Entahla... argh... sakit jiwa camni. Heh... tolak tepi. Da ada orang yang sayang aku tanak pikirkan sangat. I guess it's true kan... it's not about what you want... it's about what you have.

Sigh... anyway guys... nak avoid all this, layan je movie kat laptop ni sejurus pulang ke rumah. Then Youtube. Anyway... here's a pop quiz.

Guess what this traffic policeman is doing?

Can you say Starbucks tip? Oh who knows. Just was alerted of this video which just popped up on Youtube and wondering.... does this shit actually still happen? Where's the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission when you need them? Don't they know this shit increases (ask any Malaysian) whenever the economic pinch is felt. This taints the name of the police force cause people tend to make a generalisation - which is not always fair as I know quite a few honest policemen personally.

Note to authorities : Please look into this and NO, I am NOT the owner of this video nor do I own the Youtube account in question which uploaded the video.

Sigh.... ok.. going to enjoy my last free moments. Things can busy from next week (and tomorrow busy day for meet-ups as well)