Numb

Today has been the most relaxed day of the week so far, and I thank God cause I think I really need it pas the traumatic week I went through with my professional and personal upheavals.

But it sure is good to be able to blog again.

Only problem is, today, I'm out of inspiration to blog about anything in particular.

Just feeling kid of numb.

Malam ni kalao ada apa apa aku tulis ler.

Kosong je pala skang.

Sampai tahap aku leh spring cleaning my desk at the office...

This is one of my sucky instant poems for that person who was, still is, but probably not in the same manner anymore...in my life.

I want it
But I dread fate
I rush in anticipation
But I flail at failure
I blame myself
But maybe it's fate
I wallowed in my emptiness
But then I found you
I give my heart
But it all seems wrong
I cry
But it's too late
Maybe I've lost you, and what you say is true
We'll shed tears together under the same stars
Goodbye baby...

Pathetic effort kan. Takperlah...it's a condensed version of my emotions, and that's what matters to me. No one else.

Aku pasti dia pun paham apa aku nak sampaikan.

On a lighter note, listen out for Yanie and Diddy's joint debut single, Saling Terpesona kat radio mulai malam ni.

Kalau nak info lebih, gi kat blog manager artis memasing iaitu the one forever disinclined to grant folks request his acqueiscence (matilah link terpanjang in my blog ever) and or the necreckfoor marrer (don't ask as well).

Aku dah dengar lagu tu, obviously masa proses rakaman, but it's not important lah, my description of the song. Yang pentingnya, if you guys catch it tonight, let's share what you think of the tune ok.

Aku interested gak nak know feedback korang camna.

Meanwhile, aku mungkin jumpa si dia yang kami saling terpesona malam ni (kalau dia tepati janji untuk nak berjumpa). At the moment, I'm just looking for closure, to end this trial period.

Tapi dia pun kata sayang, and I know my feelings, so that foolish part of me is holding me back and not allowing me to walk away.

Still, sometimes the heart does make a better judge than the brain kan...sometimes...all too rarely.

Malas nak pikirkan anything else for the moment.

Will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave...aku kelaparan tahap gaban, tapi selera lak takde. Nak call bebudak nak gi melantak, but somehow in all my loneliness at this moment, I want to be alone.

Contradictory sangat.

I'm just a mess lah no matter what. No wonder I'm still single.

Kesepian kejombloan udah pasti menghantui ku sampai tamat hayatku. Reality bites... and sucks!

By the way, bosan sangat messed about and did this.Anyone interested to guess how it's going to sound like? Well, I suppose kalao it's a compilation, it's going to be very moody at this moment.

Tapi kalao aku nyanyi, harus la menyakitkan telinga je.

Matilah akibat kebosanan dan stress.... the things I do to improve myself.

Weird huh... yeah right... bitch about me. I bet you guys have been there before. Argh...dilema tol. Eh...don't get me wrong. Dilema aku skang nak makan kat mana. Aku starving but no idea what to have for dinner slash supper.

Hmmm...guess pop down to kak Ara jer ler to have some of their expensive, small portions cooking as I always do when I'm stressed.

Wait a minute...I'm not stressed. Confused.... confounded?

Perplexed, perhaps?

Disoriented? Ok...bewildered maybe.

Messed up lah would sum it all pretty nicely lah. So susah nak go through the thesaurus to describe my he-period. I don't know what I'm ranting about, but I guess I just need to feel the comfortable hit of my fingers to the keyboard, and then that clacking sound that sounds like poetry in motion as I start churning out words faster and faster here...

*sigh*

I need to get a life...